I always start something and never finish. I post pictures and delete them. I second guess everything and doubt every decision I make. I spend hours looking in the mirror before I have any interaction with people. I am not only extremely self conscious but I am anxious.
How can you stay true to yourself when you don’t even know who you are? My twenties have been a major roller coaster. I’ve developed major anxiety which causes me to feel negatively about myself. Nothing I ever do is good enough for me, nothing I think, everything in my past seems wrong.
I feel like I’ve done everything wrong in life. Every turn has been wrong. When it really hasn’t. I keep feeling like I should have life figured out by now. I keep screaming to myself “YOU ARE ONLY 22”
And the negative persona that lives in my head responds: “With 2 kids” so yeah maybe I should have my life more together. But kids don’t care about all the petty stuff. They just want love and attention.
Why can’t I be that way? Satisfied with love. I always crave more.
It makes me so mad when I can’t make up my mind! When I can’t focus on anything productive.
I can’t even finish writing before I start second guessing what I just wrote.
It’s killing me.
It’s happening again. I feel lost. This time it is happening a lot slower. I can catch myself as I slowly lose it. Nothing makes sense. Everything that I thought I knew feels wrong. Everything is wrong.